Hi y'all - I'm back.
OK ladies, put away your push up bras and "fuck me pumps" 'cause I've totally cracked the code on this one.....put on a football T-shirt and go out.
I put on my 2006 Chicago Bears NFC Championship T-shirt today and went out shopping and let me tell you, the men were falling over each other to talk to me! I'm not talking about random social misfits either - these were totally hot guys. One caveat: I actually love football and can have an enthusiastic conversation about it without a problem so I'm pretty sure that helped.
Just a little public service message for all you ladies out there. If you wear them, they will come.
Now please excuse me, I have to go T-shirt shopping. ;-)
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Annual Telling of the Christmas Story
I look forward to it every year.
Picture this: My family is sitting around in a state of deep satiation. Our bellies are full of egg nog, banket (a Dutch almond pastry), and Santa Cookies. Looking around, I see shreds of Christmas wrap and ribbon everywhere I look. The gift opening orgy is over for another year, the kids all got what they wanted from the jolly fat guy, and the rushing around is finally over. Time for the adults to pour a glass of champagne, take a deep breath, and reflect on another year gone by.
Inevitably, this reflection leads my sister and I to remember a past Christmas when we were also engaged in the act of charging our flute glasses with a bit of the holiday bubbly. This was a Christmas held in her previous house where the bathroom was located just off the dining room. The dining room buffet was fitted out nicely with the makings for mimosas and true to our natures, we gravitated toward that location.
So, we're standing near the buffet, talking of this and that, when out of the corner of my eye, I sort of notice that our Grandmother is ducking into the restroom to take care of a little business. I only register this on the periphery of my consciousness, my focus being on conversing with my sister. A couple minutes later, I see my husband of the time (now my ex and a dear friend) heading toward the bathroom. You sort of have to know my ex to get the full measure of the moment. He's very, shall we say, "socially conscious". What I mean by that is he'll do just about anything to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation, stick out in a crowd, etc. Are you with me so far? Good.
My sister and I both see my ex heading toward the bathroom. In retrospect, our champagne fuzzed brains combined with the horror of what we were seeing must have affected our reaction time. Personally, I experienced the moment in a series of mental snapshots; "Hey, Grandma's in there! *click*, I've got to prevent this! *click*, if he goes in there, he's not going to see anything good *click*, in fact, it could be really really bad *click*, he'll be scarred for life! *click*, Grandma will die of embarrassment! *click*, I have to stop this! *click*
And yet, my feet remained rooted to the floor in horror and I couldn't make my mouth work. In my head, I'm shouting "Nooooooooooooooo!" but no sound is coming out. Time seems to expand, warp, and then snap back into real time again. My ex opens the door..................Grandma half stands up, sits back down, looks both ways, starts to stand up again but realizes her position and sits back down. My ex stammers Oh, sorry! and shuts the door immediately. The worst, the absolutely unthinkable has happened while my sister and I just stood there and watched it unfold.
And what do we do? We start to laugh. We laugh and laugh and laugh until our stomach muscles hurt and then we laugh some more. Over subsequent years, we've never stopped laughing. This is one of those family stories that has taken on the quality of legend and we retell it every year, laughing just as hard as ever. OK, so maybe that makes us not very nice people but it can't be helped. Like my ex likes to say, "It is what it is". Dude, whatever lets you sleep at night.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Picture this: My family is sitting around in a state of deep satiation. Our bellies are full of egg nog, banket (a Dutch almond pastry), and Santa Cookies. Looking around, I see shreds of Christmas wrap and ribbon everywhere I look. The gift opening orgy is over for another year, the kids all got what they wanted from the jolly fat guy, and the rushing around is finally over. Time for the adults to pour a glass of champagne, take a deep breath, and reflect on another year gone by.
Inevitably, this reflection leads my sister and I to remember a past Christmas when we were also engaged in the act of charging our flute glasses with a bit of the holiday bubbly. This was a Christmas held in her previous house where the bathroom was located just off the dining room. The dining room buffet was fitted out nicely with the makings for mimosas and true to our natures, we gravitated toward that location.
So, we're standing near the buffet, talking of this and that, when out of the corner of my eye, I sort of notice that our Grandmother is ducking into the restroom to take care of a little business. I only register this on the periphery of my consciousness, my focus being on conversing with my sister. A couple minutes later, I see my husband of the time (now my ex and a dear friend) heading toward the bathroom. You sort of have to know my ex to get the full measure of the moment. He's very, shall we say, "socially conscious". What I mean by that is he'll do just about anything to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation, stick out in a crowd, etc. Are you with me so far? Good.
My sister and I both see my ex heading toward the bathroom. In retrospect, our champagne fuzzed brains combined with the horror of what we were seeing must have affected our reaction time. Personally, I experienced the moment in a series of mental snapshots; "Hey, Grandma's in there! *click*, I've got to prevent this! *click*, if he goes in there, he's not going to see anything good *click*, in fact, it could be really really bad *click*, he'll be scarred for life! *click*, Grandma will die of embarrassment! *click*, I have to stop this! *click*
And yet, my feet remained rooted to the floor in horror and I couldn't make my mouth work. In my head, I'm shouting "Nooooooooooooooo!" but no sound is coming out. Time seems to expand, warp, and then snap back into real time again. My ex opens the door..................Grandma half stands up, sits back down, looks both ways, starts to stand up again but realizes her position and sits back down. My ex stammers Oh, sorry! and shuts the door immediately. The worst, the absolutely unthinkable has happened while my sister and I just stood there and watched it unfold.
And what do we do? We start to laugh. We laugh and laugh and laugh until our stomach muscles hurt and then we laugh some more. Over subsequent years, we've never stopped laughing. This is one of those family stories that has taken on the quality of legend and we retell it every year, laughing just as hard as ever. OK, so maybe that makes us not very nice people but it can't be helped. Like my ex likes to say, "It is what it is". Dude, whatever lets you sleep at night.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Signs that Indicate Summer is Over
I've been in serious denial that summer is really over. In fact, until just a couple of days ago, I have been driving around with my trunk full of beach gear (umbrella, chair, towels, etc). I guess I thought that as long as that stuff was in my trunk, summer wasn't actually over yet.
Anyway, I've finally had to come to terms with reality - the evidence is all around me! Here are some signs that indicate Summer is really over for this year:
1. Cardigans are making a regular appearance in my wardrobe again.
2. I switched to the fleece bathrobe.
3. The down comforter is back on the bed.
4. I've said "Brrrrr" every day for 5 days straight.
5. I've had the first fireplace fire of the season.
6. Frost on my car windows!
7. I've put away the bronzer and got out the blush. Ditto lipgloss and lipstick.
8. Use of warm bunny rabbit as hand warmer.
9. Less ice water - more hot tea!
10. Ice cream doesn't sound good anymore.
11. I'm starting to ponder my Christmas list.
12. We are deep into football season!
Bye for now summer! See you next year at the beach!
Anyway, I've finally had to come to terms with reality - the evidence is all around me! Here are some signs that indicate Summer is really over for this year:
1. Cardigans are making a regular appearance in my wardrobe again.
2. I switched to the fleece bathrobe.
3. The down comforter is back on the bed.
4. I've said "Brrrrr" every day for 5 days straight.
5. I've had the first fireplace fire of the season.
6. Frost on my car windows!
7. I've put away the bronzer and got out the blush. Ditto lipgloss and lipstick.
8. Use of warm bunny rabbit as hand warmer.
9. Less ice water - more hot tea!
10. Ice cream doesn't sound good anymore.
11. I'm starting to ponder my Christmas list.
12. We are deep into football season!
Bye for now summer! See you next year at the beach!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
New Craft Experience
I have this long narrow window by my front door that I didn't know WHAT to do with. At night, its kind of creepy thinking that people could be peeking in through this window. So I thought blinds? - No, that would look silly. Tension curtain? - No, too old and tired. Then I thought "Hey! How about stained glass?!?!" PERFECT!!
I called my Mom who has experience with stained glass and enlisted her help. She came for the weekend and brought all her tools and expertise. We purchased the glass at a local art glass store and went to work. And.....about a week ago it was finally completed and installed.
Voila!
The colors are a little washed out in the photo but it's the best I could get. They are from top to bottom: brown, gold, blue, red, and gray. I think it turned our really well and it's a funky combo of vintage and modern because it's so graphic and simple but uses vintage style materials.
Also, the wall around this door, which is currently green, will soon be painted blue.
What do you think?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Bunny Love
Meet Aubrey, my adorable new Holland Lop bunny.
Who would have thought a fickle 5 Lb bundle of fur would totally enslave my heart?
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